How much blame can one person take?

Anyone who reads my blog and who knows me, knows I have no problem expressing myself.  I am too good at though.  I am beginning to think I overly express and am starting to wonder if that overwhelms the people in my life or if what I have to say hits them to close to home.

If you read my last blog, you know that I am trying desperately to resolve the issues with my estranged boyfriend.  I yearn for resolution so deeply, that I am willing to just let him go so I can begin healing and moving on with my life.  I had a bit of a text war with him today that was quite the eye opener.  I take full responsibility for my actions and the demons inside of me that got us to this point.  However, it is not natural for just ONE person to take all of the blame...is it?  We talked about a fresh a start today, and he doesn't know if he can wipe the slate clean.  I told him ways that we could do that, and in that, one of the things I said is that we each take responsibility for the roles that we played to get us to where we are.  This was his response..."I DIDN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING". 

As you all can imagine, I was dumbfounded.  I couldn't believe what I was reading.  He was right though, he didn't do anything.  He didn't do anything at all except keep score.  He told me he WAITED for things to get better.  I didn't know that he was waiting, I didn't know things were so terrible.  I honestly had no idea he was on his way out the door.  Of course he said I did know because it was obvious.  I used to ask him all of the time if he was happy, and he would reply with a yes.  I would ask him what was bothering him and he would reply with a "nothing".  I ask him once if he wanted to leave me and he replied with a "no, jesus christ I am not leaving you".  But according to the wise man, I should have known he were headed for disaster.

Things were difficult between us for a while, but it was nothing that couldn't be fixed.  I was trying to straighten myself out and get in control of what was ripping me apart, and yes, he did nothing.

Today's conversation showed me once again that I am no where near close to a reconciliation and I even told him he needed to make a choice whether he was going or staying, which he just said okay too.  Today showed me that I have taken way to much of the blame of what went wrong and that I need to stop with that.  I need to let go of the notion that all I need is for him to come back and I be the fall guy and I can make it all better.  Logically, I know that is impossible.  If I couldn't do that before things went to shit, how can I do it after.  He expects me to fail and how can I live with that?

There is no hope for this relationship.  He feels like he had no part in the demise, and how can I work with that?  I just can't figure out why I can't stick to my guns and get him out of my life.  What the fuck is stopping me?  He has made me feel like the worst person ever to be born and worse than that, I have allowed him to make me feel that way. 

If a relationship is 50/50, can one person be held solely responsible for everything?  How much blame can one person actually take?  Responsibility is just the ability to respond, so if I am responding and he is not, doesn't that make him at fault as well?

O.M.F.G, I am just as confused as I was the other day, and more so then when he left.  He just keeps saying he doesn't know what he wants.  He just says nothing WILL ever change, which I guess if you break that down and read between the lines, he is saying he will never change, maybe that is all the answers I need.

Taking the blame like I have hasn't done a thing to get me to where I need to go, and I actually think that where I need to go is somewhere far away from him. 

I just can't get over the fact that he thinks he had nothing to do with all of this.  WOW, I wonder what it is like to be so perfect.