Underlying causes of Addiction

What makes a person fall into the depths of addiction and depression?  Everyone has problems, and everyone has issues but where one person can deal with things in a positive effective way, another becomes embroiled in a cycle of un-healthy behaviors. 

Addiction is just a symptom of a larger problem.  It's just a sneeze letting you know you have a cold.  I believe that once you find out what the true root of the problem is, you can cure any addiction or addictive behavior.  The only problem is, is that roots sprout trees which sprout limbs which sprout leaves.  I seem to be growing a forest.

I used to think that I dealt with things in a healthy way, but looking back, I have never dealt with things.  I suppress most of what I feel and I ignore the rest.  I talk about my feelings but I don't think I ever really say what is really there.  I think deep down inside myself I know what the issues are, but I don't know what is stopping me from dealing with them.

Any kind of addiction changes the dynamic of a family.  Love and affection is replaced with fear and anxiety.  Everyone treats you differently.  They walk on egg shells, they fear your relapses and they, along with you, feel lost in the addiction or behavior.  Negative patterns start to develop and they become the norm.  Denial is rampant.  Your family members want you to get back to the person you once were, yet you have no idea who that person even is. 

I know that I fear the change, even the change for the better.  I fear that without the monkey on my back I will be lonely.  I fear that if I do figure out what the issue is and fix the addictive behavior that I will still be magnificently un-happy.  I fear that I will be un-interesting without the suffering.  I fear that its not the addiction that has made me this way and if I still fail without the problem, then it was me all along.  I wonder if fears can create addictive behavior?  What if I was so afraid of rejection and failure that my sub-conscious created an addictive behavior to always have an excuse for my failures?  Is that what you call a light bulb moment?  I don't know if that is the case, but it sure is something to look into.

I do know this, I will never be able to have any success with this looming over me.  My relationships will fail, I will fail within my family and I will fail at anything that I partake in.  I just hope everyday that is just part of my soul journey and that something fantastic will come out of it someday.  I truly hope that this struggle wont be in vain.

I think it all begins with honesty.  Honesty with your own heart and soul and letting yourself listen to the hard stuff that your soul tells you.  Listening you the truth that your heart tells you is the hardest truth to hear.